A People Pleaser’s Manifesto for Change

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This morning, my daughter and my dog were both angry at me.

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My daughter was mad because her sled was locked in the shed. Her dad had the key to the shed. He was giving an important presentation (virtually) and I refused to interrupt him to gather the key.

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My dog was mad at me because I wouldn’t let him bark incessantly at the VERY DANGEROUS AND POTENTIALLY LIFE THREATENING squirrel that was eating a nut on our front porch. I had to lock him in the spare bedroom so that he would calm down and stop interrupting the very important presentation that prevented me from gathering the key to the shed.

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Allow me to point something out:

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None of this is actually my problem.

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My daughter and my dog were not the only people mad at me this morning.

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I have a long list of phone calls and texts to return as well. The heaviness of a great many “shoulds”.

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My whole adult life, I’ve lived in a low-grade state of shame/guilt/panic about all the people that I haven’t called or texted or made plans with.

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Most of whom actually never reciprocate the energy.

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Here’s the thing: Even when I’m doing all the things to be helpful, other people’s happiness is very much out of my control.

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The list of people whose feelings I care about is shrinking by the day.

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It feels nice, to be honest.

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Repeat after me:

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• I can’t make everyone happy.

• This means I have to choose.

• My happiness always makes the list.

• It’s okay if my boundaries piss people off.

• I surrender control of other’s opinions.

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Key retrieval, barking dogs, texts, presentations... you can only do so much to make these better.

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But YOUR happiness is entirely within your grasp.